I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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