69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
