Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
