and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
