Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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