I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
