WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
