well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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