we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
