worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
They should really pass out barf bags in church
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My ATM looks so different sober.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
