guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
