We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
