PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
