my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
