my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
