I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
