tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
