M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
