I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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