ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
and she was petting her beer can
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
