My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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