You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
