When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
