and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
