I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
