I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
