I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
