Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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