Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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