direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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