i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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