You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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