Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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