I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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