He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
