when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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