I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
did i walk over a car last night?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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