fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Operation Purity has been aborted
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
