So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
