he shaved USA in his pubs
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
