Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
