then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
