Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
