Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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