I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think I won the penis lottery.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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