look no pants
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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