She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
