I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
