how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
