Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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